After coining (or merely using) the term wintastic (as in "It's so fantastically full of 'win' that it's wintastic!"), I was inspired to search my e-mail archive to find a story I sent to some friends last summer. Here's the scoop:
Yesterday (7/27/08) after I get home from lunch, I check the snail mail. Out of the corner of my left eye, I see some lump nestled on the porch near the door to the building.
I look again. The lump is grey. The lump is grey fur.
Then I really look. The lump of grey fur has ... an eye. Two eyes? Wait, no. Wait, actually... yes, that is an eye, slightly obscured by a swollen eyelid... and oozing with... yep, that's green stuff.
The cat, stretched out near the door like a drunken Sphynx, tilts up its smushed face and looks at me as if to say, "No, I'm not going to eat you. I'm just hot and tired and thirsty. And look at how someone has tried to shave me."
Indeed, the cat appears to have been to some craziness of a groomer... who was inspired by Olivia Newton-John's "Let's Get Physical" and decided that the cat would be his/her homage to the wonder of leg warmers. Hence the lighter grey body fur, which seems shorter than the rest, and the darker and longer grey fur around the forelegs, head, and tail.
Although its pleading face wrenches my heart, I am also grossed out by the green goo, so I hurry into the building and resolve to find some water for the poor creature.
I prepare to leave again (sans water for kitteh; oh well), and upon exiting the building, I discover the cat missing.
In its place is one of my neighbors wielding a spray bottle filled with blue liquid. A large triangular puddle to my left spreads outward. To my right is another puddle, smaller.
The air's aroma evokes images of a really cute guy: clean and manly cologned. (Hmm... Windex that smells like a man??)
"Deed joo see dah caht?" the neighbor inquires, wincing.
"Yes, I did. I think it was sick or something."
"Well, it smelled really bad. So I sprayed."
"Yeah, I think maybe it pottied on the porch."
Hours later the porch still smells of Mandex.