Thursday, January 27, 2005

Informal Poll for the Ladies: What Makes a Good Husband? Are You a Good Wife? (Or Would You Be a Good Wife?)

In the previous informal poll here at Polka-Dotted Sky (see below), some of the guys asserted their descriptions of what women are looking for in a husband or like about the husbands they have now. What do you think? Read their comments. Do you agree? What would you add?

If you're single, what are you looking for in a man? Now, before you give me the height, shape, hair and eye color, and list of interests you want him to have, stop for a minute. Think about the character traits he needs to have in order to live with you now. As you are now, not as you want to be in 10 years. (Will he need patience to deal with your mountain of debt or your bad credit? Will he need to stay calm while you blitzkrieg clean your house and whisk away every dirty glass before he finishes the last drop o' sweet tea? Will he need to be willing to handhold you through certain kinds of situations? We all have weaknesses. Let's just try to keep them from being neuroses...or at least, let's try to reverse the neuroses.)

If you're married, what do you treasure about your husband? (And keep your bedroom tales to yourself, please. I can find "manuals" on my own, thanks.) Are those traits things you were on the lookout for before you married, or are they what God provided b/c He knew you needed them? How have you changed in order to be a better helpmate to your husband? (This can be a deliberate change or a change that "evolved," so to speak.) What do you think your husband appreciates most about you? How does he show you his appreciation? How do you show your appreciation of him TO him?

What character traits do you think you have to offer your husband (current or future)? What character traits do you want to have (in other words, what areas are ones "for improvement"?)

Any related comments or stories are welcome. If you have an off-topic comment, that's OK---it'll help me start another post. Just keep it all SFW: safe for work---free from vulgarities, profanities, and obscenities. Thanks!


Anonymous said...

I want someone who's protective, intellectual, and very christian. if he has those 3 qualities and likes me, i'll marry him. no matter what he looks like. Found this via Happyhusband's site and decided to comment. Best, Sandra, 20.

Anonymous said...

Things I love about my husband:

* He's able to really talk with me. Not just about his feelings -- though he's good at that, and I appreciate it -- but about politics, math, literature, movies, and history. I always look forward to just talking with him in the evening.

* He's incredibly loyal.

* He's not threatened when I do something more skillfully than he does, even when it's a stereotypically "guy" thing like athletics. He's not defensive when tell him things he doesn't know. He is secure enough in his own talents and his own masculinity to deal with his wife as an equal, rather than a subordinate.

* He likes animals and children.

* He's totally hot.

As for me, since we married I've changed to be both a better wife and a better person. I used to have a real problem with being overly competitive, which I'm now working through. I'm also getting better at expressing and working to change negative feelings, instead of just withdrawing into myself. (Nope, I'm not very stereotypically feminine, I guess. I don't know that that counts as a flaw in itself though. It just is.)

Is there a reason you're not asking the guys what qualities they have (would like to have) to make them better husbands?

I think my most useful quality, marriage-wise, has been the ability not to get jealous of ex-girlfriends, or of cute girls he checks out on the street. After all, they're just as entitled to their virtues as I am entitled to mine, however entitled that is.

My husband shows his affection by telling me he loves me, cuddling with me, and reading to me in bed. I do much the same for him. Also, I sometimes cook him fancy dinners.

Creeping Jenny (user creepingjenny at xanga. My site is pretty boring right now.)

Nate said...

This is just gross.

Anonymous said...

"Is there a reason you're not asking the guys what qualities they have (would like to have) to make them better husbands?"

How can you improve on prefection?

and humility...


Res Ipsa

Elena said...

*laughs in Nate's general direction*

Res Ispa: Of course!

Jenny: Well, good question. I figured since I'm more interested in learning what I should be evaluating about my own potential as a good wife, I would focus on the wife side of the equation. I'm sure the guys who want to share about what makes them good hubbies will share such without my prompting.

The Pink Kitty said...

I'm here to remind you of the fun side of things too! ;) I know that my "mr. right" will have many great qualities and many little idiosyncracies that I will love about him. So, what I want in my man/future husband is:

* Trusts me enough and feels comfortable enough to talk to me about feelings. Not all the time but if he were to come home and I could tell that he was upset and I asked, felt comfy enough to say "i'm feeling this because of this". The vile ex wanted to talk about feelings and junk ALL THE TIME and it drove me crazy. He wasn't manly I hated him for it. I'm hoping for someone in between

* Likes to play. i.e., he'll laugh when I sneak in the bathroom and dump a cup of cold water on him while he's in the shower and maybe he'll retaliate later. This is the thing that I love most about my relationship with The Boy, we can be serious when we need to be but we have tons of fun. When we walk the coffee shop on weekends we have fun trying to push each other off the curb or steal each other's shoe (childish I know but it's lots of fun!). I'd completely forgotten about the ol' cold cup of water thing so he better watch out when he gets back!

* We can deal with each other. I have obsessive cleaning tendencies and my mr. right will understand that sometimes I go a little nutso with the cleaning. He will leave the house and let me be until it runs it's course. And when he comes back to a nice clean place, he'll do his best to keep it clean for a while and he'll tell me the house looks . I'll understand his need to do something like fix stuff and I'll leave him to it (Unless it's fixing cars in which case, hand me a wrench and let me help!)

* He'll be knowledgable and articulate. I don't care if he's the most book smart person in the world but if he knows his stuff about something (like cars for exe), i'll love him for his dedication and knowledge (unless it's geeky devotion to something like star trek).

*Sexually he's gotta know what he's doing well enough and be willing to learn and willing to please. He also better be willing to have fun because fun in the bedroom is the best kind of fun.

Ya know, I think basically I would want someone that I can talk to and share things with and have fun with. I also want someone who's willing to grow and change with me because people change as they get older and learn more through livign life. The ideal partner will be able to change and grow with me and still love me. I think knowing me well is something that's really important too and all of that stars with trust and a mutual interest in each other. And we'll be able to have fun together

Pink Kitty said...

For the record, the Pink Kitty above is not the Empress. (Me)

It's from the Other Pink Kitty... Just don't want any confusion with all the Pink Kitties roaming around.

The Pink Kitty said...

Thanks PK! I thought it always said "posted by The Pink Kitty". I'll make sure to change it so as to avoid further confusion! :)