Monday, August 09, 2004

Prayer request

I need to know if God is pulling up my roots from my current church home, in order to send me somewhere else, or if He wants me to deepen my roots at the current place.

A week ago this past Sunday I visited a new church plant not far from my apartment and not far from my childhood home. It is an intentional multiethnic church planting. Right now most of the members are African-Americans and there are a handful of pale-faces. ;o) It's exciting to me that they want to tell people about the God who loves them and that they want to connect people from different backgrounds. The entire service was chock full of Scripture.

His sermon was basically the command: "Get out of the boat."

And at my home church yesterday, the sermon was about what faith is.

I gotta admit. I've been rebellious against God lately. Not obvious acts of rebellion that others can see. But attitudes. I've been avoiding many Christian things because I didn't want to merely have the plastic veneer of shiny-happiness that so many Christians wear (whether real or not). I didn't want the prepackaged surface, youth-group-focused media. I want the "walked the hard, dusty road of life" wisdom of REAL people, including the ancients, the first-century Christians, the early church fathers, and later faithful folk.

I want to know and be with the real God. Yes, the same One who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...but unmediated by the latest packaging of Christianity. Even if it is hard to hear and accept and obey...I want the TRUTH.

And I want to be passionate about REAL things, not just fluff and stuff that impresses people for a split second till they switch their internal channel to the next interesting thing.

I don't need to be famous, but I want to make a lasting difference. I want my life to count for something good and profound. Not to just get up, primp, go to work, correct spelling & grammar all day, come home and figure out what to eat, veg out or go out or do chores, go to bed, and get up and do it all over again. Ick... I think if I had hubby and kids that routine would at least be serving someone else besides me, but it's just me right now.

And so many folks out there are feeling the same way. We've all chatted about it. Things haven't changed much.

But maybe the things are changing the movements of the starfish stalking, attacking, and eating their prey. In "real time," starfish seem to move at a glacial pace, but with time-elapse photography, you can see the "fierce battle" that goes on as they hunt and devour sea urchins. (Thank you to an episode of Nature from PBS. I forget the title!)

So hang in there! I'm hangin' on too. By the tips of my fingers...but I'm hanging on nonetheless.


1 comment:

Miss O'Hara said...

I'll certainly keep you in my prayers (btw, finally surfed on over from Pink Kitty's). I can identify with you - I'm a bit lost as well (thankfully, God knows where I am, and that is very encouraging!).

I do not think you are rebelling against God Himself, but more likely, it's against the pre-packaged, 'look at me, I'm serving in the church' mentality, the happy shiny warm 'n fuzzy faith Christianity seems to have become lately. *sigh* (Perhaps we should start our own church.) And the hard to accept and obey stuff...that's what makes us what God created us to be. He called us to it, so I suppose it stands to reason that He'll help us through it! (Ever read "Hinds' Feet on High Places"? Omigosh.)

Take heart that you aren't alone. I feel the same way, as do many other young Christians! So many, in fact, that I wonder if it is some sort of movement of God in itself...we're all saying the same things, we all want the same brass-tacks, 'basic' Christianity, if indeed there is such a thing. We want God, we want reality in Him, not in a church.

Blah blah blah. *blushes* Sorry! But fear not - you aren't the only one with these feelings and frustrations! Keep being a starfish! Just because others don't see what God is doing in you - well, He *is* doing a work in you. It's His opinion that counts. Hugs & prayers!

(So glad I popped in today, too...)