Thursday, April 22, 2004

The Nahrerlater Sweet

Do you remember that taffy-like, square candy in the fun fruit flavors? We Southern Gen-Xers call 'em "nahrerlaters." The packaging describes the candy as "soft and chewy." I think the emphasis should be placed on the "chewy" part. As I said to Preggo (she with baby of 16 weeks gestation), "I think there's more 'later' in this nahrerlater; ain't much 'now' to it."

And why in the name of all things sweet and delectable must a candy announce itself to be "artificially flavored," as if that is something to be proud of? Oh, yes, I was really wondering...does this apple-flavored square of never-ending chewiness actually contain APPLE? No? Bummer! don't care if the flavor came from processed goo of alien. I just want it to somewhat taste like an apple (which it did, by the way) and not remove every dental equippage in one's mouth. (I don't have dentalwork, but some o' my peeps do. No, not Peeps, but peeps. Anyhoo...) And if it does contain processed goo of alien, please don't tell me. Just make sure it has under the maximum number of bug parts in it.

Speaking of bug part max...and food. My dad used to regale my mother, at the dinner table, with stories about his food and drug inspections. The last straw was the story of "Cookie Icing and the Night Visitors." The factory would ice the cookies, leave them out to dry, and ice them again the next day. Yep, you guessed it. The local rodents would come out, do their version of the Nutcracker suite on the cookies, and return to their holes to sleep off the sugar. For the cookie gods, they dropped little gifts as they danced and nibbled. "Unsuspecting" humans just kept preserving the gifts for short-lived posterity in someone's intestines. Eeeww... Sadly, no more dinner-time stories.

My next assignment for myself...attempt to make a batch of snacky dessert things, called Haystacks, without using a double boiler. I'll let you know how that one turns out.